We are looking forward to next time and vow...

Although we didn't get far this time, only about 8 1/2 weeks, next time we think it will be easier if...


1. I do not take a million pregnancy tests. Negative pregnancy test REALLY suck.

2. When we do get a positive pregnancy test (AFTER A MISSED PERIOD), we are going to just keep it to us. and I'm sure I will tell family and close friends, of course. But only those who I would want support from if I did have another miscarriage.

3. We are not going to schedule a doctor appointment until 8 weeks. hhmm....I had trouble just typing that. Maybe 7 weeks. :)

Our missed miscarriage (diagnosis: blighted ovum)

We started trying to conceive in December, right after our November wedding. Between January and May, I had taken so many pregnancy tests I was starting to believe they didn't work (because they were all negative :D). Mother's Day was the first time I saw 2 lines. They do work! We were over the moon. We scheduled a doc appt for a week out. The first ultrasound we saw just the sac which was normal. The doctor estimated we were 4 1/2 to 5 weeks along. The 2nd one I remember being SO excited for. I read that at 6 weeks you could hear the heartbeat. I couldn't wait. I brought my camera so I could take capture the moment and record the heartbeat. Mike and I were heartbroken when the doctor said there was no fetal pole and mentioned the possibility of a blighted ovum. I had never even heard of a blighted ovum and started going googling like a mad woman. I looked up every blighted ovum...and misdiagnosed blighted ovum story until I convinced myself that it was too early for that diagnosis and that doctor was an evil witch (and we were switching dotors. seriously.). Mike didn't need much convincing. He did not believe it and thought the doctor should have her licensed taken away.

The same day, we book a doctor's appointment with a different doctor for the next day. The new doctor made us feel better and said they would never diagnose that until at least 8 weeks in case the baby is "lazy" and we had nothing to worry about. They scheduled an ultrasound for 2 weeks out. In the meantime, we went to the evil witch doctor one more time, just because we were anxious to have another ultrasound. Still no baby. The doctor told us that we should schedule a d&c soon to prevent infection. What a cold bitch. We had already decided it didn't matter what she said so we said we would be in touch with her. FYI: we were never in touch with her and never told her we switched doctors. I am confident that she is a bad doctor because she has never followed up with us. If she was concerned about preventing infection, don't you think she would have followed up to see how we are doing? Anyways, moot point.

One week later, we go for our ultrasound at our new doctor's office and we see a yolk sac but no fetal pole. The ultrasound technician and the doctor were very positive and said that seeing a yolk sac is a good sign and it could still be too early if I ovulated early. They took blood, which was had normal pregnancy #s and scheduled another ultrasound for one week later. Mike was very optimistic and "confident that we were going to see a baby." I was, as Mike put it, “dying a thousand deaths.” Ever since the first evil witch doctor (who I can't wait to forget about) mentioned blighted ovum, it has been all that I’ve thought about. When Mike would tell people we were pregnant I was uncomfortable. I just didn’t know what was going on and at that point was not sure if I even was pregnant. Yes my boobs were GINORMOUS and achy and full and actually pleasantly perky, but I couldn't get out of my head the empty feeling of laying on the doctor bed, looking at the big black gestational sac on the screen, that was missing our baby.

Upon researching doctors (to avoid another evil witch) Mike discovered that our new doctor’s average wait time was 26 minutes. Sure enough all 3 of our appointments we got taken back on the 26^th minute. No joke. And let me tell you those 26 minutes took forever when waiting to find out the prognosis of your baby. Anyways at the 26^th minute on judgment day (this past Wednesday), we go back to the ultrasound room and... bring on the tears. There was no baby, the yolk sac, as the ultrasound technician put it, had “disintegrated”  and the gestational sac had gotten smaller. Upon my extensive miscarriage research I learned that a missed miscarriage, when you miscarry but your body does not do it naturally (no bleeding/cramping…which was my case), was pretty rare, I was just not comfortable having a d&c unless I had bleeding/cramping. That being said, the gestational sac getting smaller, when it should be getting larger each week, was it for me and Mike.  We clenched hands, sniffled up our tears and were escorted to a private room to avoid waiting in the reception area until the doctor came.  We leaned on each other and cried. It was horrible. Even though I had already died thousand deaths, it still hurt.  And still does hurt.  The doctor came in and scheduled the d&c for Monday.  I wish it could have been done the same day or the next day. Waiting until Monday seemed cruel but I was in no condition to negotiate. I nodded my head , put on my sunglasses and walked out of the doctor's office clenching Mike's hand, without our baby. 

Mike had been very optimistic throughout and he believed we were going to see our baby, at every appointment.  He couldn’t help but share our exciting news with everyone, he was too excited to keep it in. Following the appointment he was and still is very tired, very somber and very sad. I don’t know if I have just been being strong because he wasn’t…and we are a team and that’s what we do or because I had already died my thousand deaths. The next day, I actually felt better and almost relieved to have an answer and to move forward. I was ready to have the d&c and start trying again. Today, 3 days later, I feel tired, somber and sad. I think may be because Monday is approaching and I am reallllllly dreading the d&c. I googled it and it does not sound pretty and just sounds scary to me at this point. I am a surgery novice (other than getting my wisdom teeth out and lasik) and do not do well when giving blood. I have a feeling I am going to be feeling worse and worse until the procedure on Monday and hopefully I will feel better after that. My mom had one before Ben and I and said she felt better afterwards. So, I'm banking on that. 

DIY: Guests' Arrival Bags (aka OOT Bags in the wedding world)

 I purchased the bags from discountmugs.com for $8.54 each (for 25 of them). They double as a beach bag and cooler bag (how cool!). I designed the front of the bag using Word. I wanted to make it wedding-ish, of course but did not want to include our names because I wanted to have the option of selling extras (on one of the many destination wedding blog websites I have stalked for the past 8 months).

Of course, I blinged it out a bit by gluing rhinestones on the front and added cute labels that read "To Have & To Hold...& To Keep Your Drinks Cold." (chuckle chuckle). Clearly I had way too much fun with these bags. The other goodies included:

Welcome Book/Meet the Guests
My invitation RSVP cards were mad-lib style so I included a copy of everyone's RSVP with their photo and how they know the bride and groom. This was a last minute add that I really loved (and hopefully it helped everyone with names/faces)!

Room Key Card Holder
I attached these to the inside of the bag by gluing a safety pin together (so no one got pinched if it came un-done) and clipping it on with the handy-dandy heart shaped retractor clip. :) These were made out of badge holders I purchased from securityimaging.com for 60 cents each (the badge retractor reels were 65 cents each). Of course I added some personal touches like the cute "vowels" (see pic) in the shape of a heart.
Our guests really did seem to love these and used them (which of course made me the happiest bride everrr)!

Koozies
Of course, I had koozies, I mean what is a destination wedding without them? I purchased these from kustomkoozies.com and made them custom with my heart design that I put on the bags. I also added a rhinestone to the heart (I couldn't resist) for a touch of bling. :)

Oh Sh!t Kits
For these I bought little first aid kits that were only $1.00 each and removed the label and added my own (which I designed on Word and printed on to name badges/tags). As you can see, I included bandaids & cleaning wipes, Pepto-Bismol, Excedrin & Gatorade packs.

"In Sickness & In Health" 

For cuts or for hangovers or when Montezuma attacks, 

Find what you need here and know that we've got your back!

Scavenger Hunt Disposable Cameras
 I made several different check-lists & the top read:

"Use your camera & scavenge around, 
Hunt for the pictures that need to be found. 

Shoot away & complete the list, 
Find the moments that we may have missed!"

To make these, I purchased bulk disposable cameras online from . I then took an outline of the paper cover and scanned it into Word. I did my designs and words inside of the layout and then deleted the outline. I created a second Word document and flipped the outline so I could print the outline and the wording on each side of the paper and cut around the lines without it showing on the final product. I used an exacto knife to cut the holes. I then folded and attached them to the cameras using tape and glue. Cutting neatly is not exactly my specialty, but they were still cute!

Not pictured, I also included underwater cameras in both of our parent's bags. These were passed around the pool and should make for good pictures (I haven't developed them yet!)

Wedding Invites: Crystal Rhinestones & Mad Lib Style RSVPs

Although the pictures do not do these invites justice, I have included photos of our wedding invitations below. I worked with Kate from custompaperworks.com to create these custom invitations and am in LOVE with them. My favorite parts of the invite are of course the rhinestones (on both the invitation and on the outside of the pocketfold) and the mad lib style RSVP. We were so excited to get the RSVPs back in the mail and read everyone's unique responses!

 

 

Thank you to one of my MOHs, Suzanne Lovern, for helping me put these together!

DIY: Message in a Bottle Save the Dates!

 When I started thinking of a destination wedding, I couldn't think of a better way to "Save the Date" than a message in a bottle. When I started browsing online websites, I was quickly turned off by the pink sand, sparkly sea shells or frilly looking paper. I was looking for something more natural and "realistic" looking. ...They always say if you want it done right, do it your self.

Step 1: Purchase supplies. Supplies needed:

- Glass bottles (I purchased mine from ebottles.com for $1.48/ea including cork)

- Sand (I already had some we had purchased to fill our outdoor basketball hoop)

- Any ornaments or sea shells (I purchased some small sea shells from Michaels)

- A beachy scent (I purchased Pina Colada scent from Michaels)
- Raffia string to tie around your message (I purchased from Michaels)
- Parchment Paper for message (I found mine at Walmart)
- A funnel to fill the sand
- A pencil to assist in rolling the message

- Packaging to mail it in (unless you are hand delivering). I purchased 4x4x8 boxes and brown crinkle paper from ULINE.com. The boxes were perfect size and the crinkle paper stuck with the "natural" look.

Step 2: Print your message on Parchment Paper

 I just used Word to draft my message and printed it on my parchment paper. I also printed name tags to attach to the exterior of the bottle.

Step 3: Give your paper some character!

I choose to burn the edges of my paper using long matches and a candle (to re-light the new matches). This is quite messy...I did it over my sink...and still made a mess and inhaled quite a few fumes but it was all worth it! :)

Step 4: Fill the bottles with sand & add your scent

I used a funnel I found in the garage and filled the bottles pretty easily (I filled the bottom about 1 inch to ensure I left enough room for the message). A helpful tip is to "bake" the sand before using it. This allows the sand to dry out as much as possible so it doesn't stick to the edges when you're filling the bottles. After filling, I added a few drops of the Pina Colada scent in each bottle and dipped the bottom of the corks in the scent. (p.s.- This was my favorite part. Every time I smell this scent now it makes me think of the bottles, the engagement, the wedding, very happy thoughts)!

Step 5: Roll the message and tie with string

By far the most difficult and tedious part. Rolling these little suckers small enough to fit in the bottles was not simple (or fun) but it did get easier as I got the hang of it and you have to keep in mind that the crinkles are all giving the paper a little "character." I used a pencil to roll it, starting at one end and keeping it as tight as possible. There really isn't a rhyme or reason to the method except for practice. Once I got it small enough I quickly put the end inside of the bottle before it expanded any and I had to start all over :). THEN I tied the string around the middle of the paper and left about 4-5 inches of string hanging out the top of the bottle. Next, press the cork in (it goes in pretty easily, especially after dunking it in the scent so don't press too hard!).  Then repeat, repeat, repeat! :)

Step 6: Attach label & finish with string

I punched a hole in the label using the tip of my pencil (a hole punch would have created an "unnatural hole) and then just tied knots in the string around the label. The bottle looked a little plain so I tied some string around the bottle to spruce it up a bit. I thought it looked quite nice.

Step 7: Box them up and ship!

I stuffed my boxes with lots of the brown crinkle paper and made sure they would not break and then taped them up. To label the boxes, I printed addresses and return labels on my parchment paper. I just ripped the paper to give it "character" and glued it to the box. I also created a label that said "FRAGILE, This Side Up" using the same paper and rip/glue method. I hand delivered a few of them and shipped the others. The shipping of course took up the majority of the cost but I was proud and excited about the bottles (and I think it was worth it..the price and the time consumption!).

*Other good ideas, that I did not use:
- Using a plastic bottle so you can just ship it without boxing it...would also be cheaper.

- Giving your paper character by using tea bags, rather than burning the edges.